That’s a wrap on SMS Sunday 2025!
Thanks for joining our inaugural SMS Sunday. We can’t wait to share stats from all of BFCM soon, but in the meantime, fill out your information below to get a free gift* from Postscript.
*This is for Postscript customers only. Limit one per store. Gifts will be shipped in the next 3-4 weeks.
© Copyright 2025 Postscript.
Issue 01, November 2, 2025
A Satirical Publication / $6.00
One Thing They Can Agree on: SMS Sunday Is Now an Official National Holiday
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a historic decision late Friday night (after quiet hours, naturally), Congress officially passed the SMS Channel Recognition Act*, declaring the Sunday after Black Friday a federal holiday: SMS Sunday. Congress passed the measure despite a historically long government shutdown.
Sunday — long considered “the forgotten child wedged between Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday — will now receive full national recognition as a day dedicated to the SMS channel.
“This is bigger than Prime Day,” said one Postscript customer, while stress-refreshing BFCM flows out of habit. “We’ve always believed SMS deserved more than just abandoned cart duty. Now, finally, marketers can honor this sacred day the way it was intended: with 98% open rates and copy that slaps.”
For Postscript customers who intend to participate in this inaugural holiday and send a campaign on SMS Sunday, each will receive a special gift from Postscript, including a chance to win something truly special.
“You can only be entered to win if you’re a customer,” says Angel Kinard, Head of Events. “So if you want some killer merch, now’s the time to make the switch.”
*This part is completely fabricated.
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SMS Sunday
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Our Director of Content and Community doles out advice to ecom marketers even though she has no real degree.
“My team wants to ‘do something viral’ on Black Friday. Do I quit or just pretend to lose Wi-Fi?”
— Gary G, Austin, TX
Dear Gary,
Everyone wants to go viral on Black Friday. But is that really the best use of your team’s time? Should they be, I don’t know, checking stock levels and responding to customer queries in real time so you’re guaranteed to make the most revenue possible? And that way you don’t have to cancel the holiday office party? This seems like a no-brainer to me.
But if I were to play devil’s advocate, I don’t think a prank on your CEO for TikTok could hurt.
Good luck!
K:BOS Turnout Underwhelms After DTC Leaders Mistake Event Name for Affirmations From Direct Reports
BOSTON, MA—Klaviyo’s annual K:Bos conference (short for “Klaviyo: Boston”) faced an awkwardly thin crowd after dozens of DTC marketing leaders admitted they mistook the event name for a confident “K, boss!” from their employees.
“I assumed this was going to be an all-day exercise in hearing my head of Retention say things like, ‘Yes, your attribution takes are actually very insightful,’” said Megan O’Connell, CMO of a mid-sized supplements brand. “Instead I walked into a session on email segmentation and realized I’d made a terrible mistake.”
Several attendees reported similar confusion, with one growth lead describing the conference as “90% less validating than expected.” Others left after discovering the agenda contained panels on first-party data collection rather than interns nodding earnestly and repeating, ‘No, seriously, you’re crushing it.’
Vendors at the expo floor scrambled to adjust. One sponsor hastily rebranded its booth as an “Affirmation Station,” handing out cards that read, ‘You are not your CAC.’
Klaviyo, meanwhile, downplayed the low turnout. “This was always meant to be an intimate, curated experience,” a spokesperson said, while hurriedly moving rows of empty chairs out of frame.
Organizers are already workshopping new names for next year’s event, though critics warn the “K:City” format could keep backfiring. Early ideas include:
• K:Chi — which several execs assumed was a Klaviyo-sponsored breathwork retreat.
At press time, attendees agreed on one thing: they’ll continue pronouncing ‘Klaviyo’ incorrectly.
Experts Warn: ‘Last Chance’ Close to Losing Any Meaning Whatsoever
By Dr. Andrew Buckley & Dr. Miranda Mattson.
ATTN Agency Institute for Message Fatigue Studies — in partnership with Postscript
After years of rigorous research, the ATTN Agency Institute for Message Fatigue Studies has finally confirmed what most consumers suspected by Friday afternoon: “Last Chance” has lost all meaning.
According to lead researcher Dr. Andrew Buckley, shoppers received an average of 78 texts labeled “final hours” during last year’s Black Friday weekend — 71 of which were “demonstrably false.”
“By Sunday, most recipients believed time itself was a marketing construct,” said Buckley, twisting his moustache pensively.
Co-author Dr. Miranda Mattson noted that message saturation reached “previously theoretical levels” around 8 p.m. Saturday, when multiple brands simultaneously declared that their “ending soon” sale was somehow still going.
“We observed one subject receive nine consecutive ‘final reminders,’” Mattson explained. “They eventually purchased a hoodie just to make it stop.”
The study also revealed an alarming trend: each additional “Last Chance” text reduces urgency by 37 percent, a phenomenon the researchers call Diminishing Scarcity Returns (DSR).
Still, there is hope. The ATTN Agency Institute recommends a simple, evidence-based protocol known as the SMS Sunday Method™: a single, well-timed, actually-final message sent with clarity, wit, and the deliverability confidence that can only be provided by a platform like Postscript.
“Turns out, people respond best when you respect their attention,” Buckley added. “Wild concept, I know.”
As ecommerce teams prepare for BFCM, experts urge marketers to remember: urgency is a spice, not a main course. Sprinkle it; don’t dump the whole jar.
So this SMS Sunday, celebrate restraint. Send one great message. Mean it. And maybe, just maybe, everyone wins.
From the desk of the ATTN Agency Institute for Marketing Sanity. Powered by Postscript.
The Great DTC Crossword
Missed Connections
• To the customer who replied “STOP” and then placed three more orders that same day: don’t know what we are, but it’s complicated. Text me back (legally, of course).
• To the guy in the Retention subreddit who said, “SMS doesn’t scale”:
You had strong opinions and a lowercase username. I didn’t agree with you, but I respected your segmentation strategy. Let’s debate again sometime.
• To whoever scheduled a full-list send for 3 a.m. PST:
It worked. I’m awake. Call me.
• To the person who opened all three of our flows but never clicked:
It’s fine. I’m fine.
Weekly Ecom Horoscope
