That’s a wrap on SMS Sunday 2025!
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Issue 05, November 30, 2025
A Satirical Publication / $6.00

SMS Sunday Shatters Records — and Expectations
By the SMS Sunday Times Business Desk
In an unprecedented development that industry analysts are already calling “the most significant shift in holiday commerce in a decade,” SMS Sunday surpassed Black Friday in total sales volume this year, reshaping long-held assumptions about peak consumer behavior. What began as a niche promotional window has rapidly transformed into the single most influential shopping day of the holiday season.
According to preliminary data at 9am this morning, consumer spending driven by text-message promotions surged more than 38 percent year-over-year, eclipsing Black Friday’s totals by a wide margin and setting a new benchmark that retailers—many of whom were caught unprepared—are still scrambling to interpret. Several major brands reported that their SMS-driven revenue exceeded internal forecasts by factors typically reserved for financial modeling exercises, not real-world commerce.
Executives across retail, beauty, apparel, and home goods found themselves issuing emergency
internal memos as inventories evaporated at rates only seen historically during doorbuster events. A senior merchandising director at a national apparel brand, speaking on condition of anonymity, described the moment as “something between a windfall and a logistical crisis,” noting that several teams had assumed the bulk of their weekend sales were behind them. Instead, warehouses began operating at near-peak capacity before noon.
The origins of SMS Sunday’s meteoric rise can be traced to increasingly fatigued consumers—exhausted by endless email promotions, overwhelmed inboxes, and algorithm-driven feed content—who appear to have embraced the clarity and immediacy of text messaging. As one retail analyst put it, “SMS cuts through the noise, and this year, it cut straight to the consumer’s wallet.”
“Honestly, we’re thrilled,” said Postscript President Alex Beller. “What started as a holiday we randomly added to Holiday Insights has become the biggest sales day of the year.”
Despite years of predictions that SMS would play a growing role in holiday performance, few anticipated that it would eclipse the industry’s most iconic shopping moment. Black Friday’s decades-long reign was widely viewed as unshakeable—an institution rather than a trend. However, early sentiment suggests that consumers are gravitating toward more personal, direct, and straightforward communication from brands, a preference that aligns seamlessly with the nature of text messaging.
Whether this marks a temporary anomaly or the beginning of a new era in consumer engagement remains unclear. What is certain, however, is that SMS Sunday has forced a recalibration of retail expectations—and may have permanently altered the balance of power among the holiday shopping days that once defined the season.
As one industry expert concluded, “We may look back on this weekend as the moment the calendar changed.”


Our Director of Content and Community doles out advice to ecom marketers even though she has no real degree.
DEAR TEXT AND THE CITY:
I sent a campaign on SMS Sunday just to “test the waters” and… it popped off. Like, beat-our-Cyber-Monday-numbers-from-last-year level popped off. Now I’m spiraling because I think we cannibalized our own sale. Did I ruin BFCM?
— Too Soon in Cincinnati
My darling Too Soon,
It’s called redefining BFCM. It’s what we do as marketers.
You didn’t “cannibalize” Cyber Monday — you outsmarted it. You zagged when everyone else zigged. While other brands were polishing their countdown timers, you slid into the inbox with a well-timed, high-converting masterpiece.
And if Cyber Monday ends up slightly quieter? That’s not failure. That’s load-balancing revenue across the weekend like a pro. Take the win.
And hey — maybe next year you build the whole campaign around SMS Sunday.

‘Shopper’ Boosts Sales — And Hearts
By the SMS Sunday Times
In a year defined by aggressive discounting, unpredictable consumer behavior, and unprecedented competition for attention, one technology emerged as the quiet force reshaping Black Friday: Shopper, a conversational AI product that many marketers now credit with transforming not only their revenue, but their relationship with customers.
What began as an experiment for several ecommerce brands turned into a full-scale operational lifeline. Shopper, designed to deliver humanlike, two-way text conversations at scale, became the most celebrated tool of the season—generating record-breaking conversions, controlling customer service chaos, and, in the words of one executive, “giving our team the gift of sanity during the biggest sales moment of the year.”
From Cost Center to Conversion Engine
For years, marketers have struggled with the limitations of traditional Black Friday communication. SMS has always been fast, direct, and high-converting, but the inability to carry true back-and-forth conversations has left customers frustrated and brands overwhelmed by support tickets. Shopper overturned those constraints. Instead of one-way promotional blasts, customers received natural, responsive messages that mimicked an expert retail associate—guiding hesitant buyers, clarifying details about fit or shipping, and offering personalized recommendations in
real time. Early reports from brands show that messages handled by Shopper converted at rates previously considered unattainable for mobile commerce.
A New Standard for Customer Interaction
Customers asked questions—and received immediate, contextually accurate answers. They asked for product comparisons—and got personalized recommendations. They shared hesitations—and were met with reassurance rather than automated links. The level of responsiveness changed expectations in ways that caught much of the industry off guard.
“Consumers don’t want a blast,” said one analyst. “They want a dialogue. This is the first time the infrastructure has existed to meet that expectation at scale.”
Black Friday Chaos, Managed Calmly
Shopper’s impact extended beyond revenue. Several brands reported that the AI handled thousands of customer conversations that would otherwise have overwhelmed support teams, reducing ticket queues and freeing marketers to focus on creative execution, inventory management, and real-time promotional adjustments.
One operations lead described Shopper as “a pressure valve we didn’t know we needed.” Another called it “the only member of the team who didn’t blink on Black Friday.” Companies that previously
avoided conversational moments during peak periods—out of fear they would trigger a tidal wave of unmanageable questions—found themselves embracing them. For many, Black Friday became not a scramble to stay afloat, but an opportunity to deepen loyalty with customers who finally felt heard.
Redefining How Marketers Work
Perhaps the most surprising development was the internal impact. Several teams described Shopper as not only a high-performing tool, but a cultural shift—a catalyst for more ambitious campaigns, more dynamic storytelling, and more confident experimentation across the entire weekend.
“Instead of planning around what we couldn’t handle,” said the VP of Marketing at a major footwear brand, “we planned around what was possible.”
Marketers found they could launch more promotions, run more segmented campaigns, and invite more customer interaction without fear of operational collapse. Shopper became both a safety net and a competitive advantage.
The Beginning of a New Era
As Black Friday weekend concluded, the consensus across ecommerce became clear: conversational AI is no longer a novelty—it is a necessity. Shopper’s blend of intelligence, immediacy, and natural language fluency has set a new standard for how brands engage customers in real time.
While the retail calendar will always revolve around major sales moments, industry leaders say the future belongs to technologies that can transform those moments into relationships—not just transactions.
If Black Friday is the ultimate test of a platform’s resilience and power, Shopper passed with uncommon clarity. And for many marketers, the product didn’t just boost their sales. It changed their understanding of what modern commerce can feel like.
“It’s the first tool,” one CMO said, “that made our customers feel like someone was actually listening.”
Missed Connections
TO THE RETENTION MARKETER AT STARBUCKS
You ordered an iced latte with almond milk. I admired your confidence — and your ‘Email Is My Love Language’ tote. I wanted to ask your Welcome series open rates, but I froze.TO THE SELF-PROFESSED ATTRIBUTION KING AT CUZZY’S BAR
We complained about Meta’s rising CPAs like we’d been doing it for years. Then your team called you away before I could get your Slack.TO THE CUTIE AT OUR 3PL
You: printing labels like a pro. Me: pretending my return rate wasn’t spiraling out of control. Our barcodes aligned for a moment. If fate (or UPS) delivers this message, hit me up.TO THE WEBINAR HOST AT THE SAAS BFCM ROUNDTABLE
The vulnerability. The honesty. The raw ecommerce energy. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since. Let’s fix our funnels… and maybe each other.
The Great DTC Crossword
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